Scam Avenue
Imagine going for a walk and
encountering all the scammers
who send you bogus email
every day. Instead of reading about
your miraculous ten million dollar
inheritance, or a formula
that will stop hair loss dead
in its tracks, you see a person
approaching from the opposite
end of the sidewalk. He catches up
with you, flashes an oily
salesman’s smile, and says,
“Antivirus software has expired!
Your computer is already at risk.”
You dodge him easily, like he was
a rubber ball that someone threw at you,
but over the horizon, you spot
another man, heading straight
in your direction. He raises a hand
to get your attention and yells,
“Were you injured by contamination
at Camp LeJeune? I offer free
consultations. Call me now!”
You dash across the street and hide
behind a building, but there is no escape.
A cluster of people lies in wait, smirking.
They always knew you’d show up.
One of them wants to enlarge your penis,
even though you don’t have one.
Another is convinced that you need
a timeshare vacation in the Yucatan.
They charge towards you, relentless,
until you pry their hands off your body
and run away, without looking back.
You wish the scammers weren’t real;
then you could just shut off your computer
and go outdoors to escape. Perhaps
it’s a good thing you stay home after all.
- © Leah Mueller 2023
Leah Mueller is the author of ten prose and poetry books. Her work appears in Rattle, NonBinary Review, Brilliant Flash Fiction, Citron Review, The Spectacle, Miracle Monocle, New Flash Fiction Review, Atticus Review, Your Impossible Voice, etc. She is a 2023 nominee for both Pushcart and Best of the Net. Leah's flash piece, "Land of Eternal Thirst" appears in the 2022 edition of Best Small Fictions. Her contest-winning poetry chapbook, "The Failure of Photography" will be published by Garden Party Press in Summer, 2023. Website: www.leahmueller.org.
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