New Short Fiction by Bill Gardam

 Melbourne, the boil on the bottom of Australia

 The newspaper editor in Sydney is unsure of the two Canadians who show up and suggest that he would like to have them write an article for the magazine section about their travels through the outback of Australia. How brash and opinionated we seem. He does like our attitude however, - we have learned something anyway from our time among Australians.

 He says that we can write about the city of Melbourne, many hundreds of miles away, and he will think about it. He assumes, having glanced at our tired old Toyota van, our camping outfits and noticed our wood smoke fragrance, that we will never do it.

 We think 'bloody hell', because we hate cities and fancy ourselves as nature writers, but are piqued and say we will have a go. 'Good on ya' he says, and nods toward the door.

 We actually have been in the environs of Melbourne on our travels. My wife Heather's dad was born nearby, but we had gone to some trouble to avoid the actual city. We have no intention of  going back there so find a campground with internet and type 'Melbourne' into the search engine.All the detail we need is at our fingertips, more than enough, because we have decided to write about our favourite topic with the city simply serving as an example of mass plunder of the planet.

 We remember telling someone in Australia about our intention to travel to New Zealand and his dismissive remark about their entire annual budget being smaller than that of Melbourne. Even the Sydney editor had curled his lip when he told us to write about Melbourne. Inter-nation and inter-city rivalry we surmised. We ourselves had heard remarks by people in the outback that were negative about any city. It was it seemed, a boil on the bottom of Australia except of course to its citizens.

 We type something up about the beauty of the city, the friendliness of its citizens, the restaurants, wines and so on, the usual fare, and then think carefully and wonder why there could be anything cautionary to add. Why is this place not loved to death by others? Is it jealousy or just a fall back cynicism. ('the government, what a bunch of losers' ) Too much past history involving the downtrodden and convicts: jolly jumbucks, swagmen, troopers and landowners.Tall cotton always needs cutting down to size.

 By the time we arrive at our main points however - the effect that large cities have on their surroundings, their economic net spread over the hinterland, the bushfire-like burning up of resources, we have become disenchanted. We know it to be correct but have come to like Melbourne as described by others.The next day we polish up our article containing most of the above and e-mail it off. 'Try that on for size!' we think with a smile as we head on our way north to Queensland.

 We hear a week later that it has been accepted and a much needed cheque is on the way. Unpredictable folk these Australians, perhaps we have more to learn after all.

- © Bill Gardam 2022

Bill Gardam sailed to Australia from Canada and spent time travelling around in a borrowed van. He and his wife Heather rowed down part of the Murray River, camping along the way. He has published some poetry, has a whack of degrees, lives on an island on the West coast of Canada